Rules of Rural Queensland

Rules of Rural Queensland 
ARE AS FOLLOWS 
Listen up City Slickers ! 
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Turn your cap right, your head isn't crooked. 
3. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'dirt road...' I drive a ute because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way. 
4. They are cattle. They're live steaks. That's why they smell funny to you. But they smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? Pacific Highway goes to New South Wales and the Newell Highway goes the same way and continues to Victoria. Pick one. 
5. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines and hay balers that are driven only 3 weeks a year.
6. So every person in rural Queensland waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept. 
7. If that mobile phone rings while a mob of big Kangaroos or wild pigs are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time. 
8. Yes, we eat steak and chips, chops and chips and sausage and chips and they DO come with BBQ or Tomato sauce. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop. 
9. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of hunting season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
10. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & chicken. 
12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and tomato sauce. Oh, yeah.... We don't care what you folks in Canberra call that stuff you eat... IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! 
13. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet and served over ice. 
14. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair. 
15. The local League and High School Football is as important here as the Storm and the Roosters, and more fun to watch.
16. Yes, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it scares the fish.
17. Church schools? We have them all over. We have State Universities , Private Universities , Community Colleges, and TAFE Colleges. They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at everybody when they come for the holidays.
18. We have a whole ton of our finest youngsters in the Army, Navy and Air Force. So don't mess with us. If you do, you will get whipped by the best.
19. Turn down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your boxers. Refer back to #1.
20. 2 inches of rain isn't a monsoon - it's a blessing... Drive like you got some sense in it, and DON'T take all our bread, milk, and bleach from the grocery stores. This isn't Melbourne, worst case you may have to live a whole day without croissants. The creeks and rivers will be down again in a few hours. If not the SES  will come and get you


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