The Great Aussie Life

(Just a few  jokes/stories that I've collected over the time  ---Enjoy, Gumtree )


1 The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm. 
2 The shorter the nickname, the more they like you. 
3 Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery , there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by a sausage sizzle.
4 There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce. 
5 On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallets by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. 
6 Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the plastic milk crate. 
7 The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags. (Sausages)
8 It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold. 
9 If it can't be fixed with pliers & fencing wire, it's not worth fixing. 
10 The phrase "a simple picnic" is not known. You should take everything you own. If you don't need to make three trips back to the car, you're not trying. 
11 Unless ethnic or a Pom, you are not permitted to sit down in your front yard, or on your front porch. Pottering about, gardening or leaning on the fence is acceptable. Just don't sit. That's what backyards are for. 
12 The tarred road always ends just after the house of the local mayor.
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A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".
The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?
The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

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Only in Australia....can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
Only in Australia ... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
Only in Australia ... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.
Only in Australia ... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.
Only in Australia ... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.