You Might Be A Farmer If

Your dog rides in the truck more than your wife 

You have driven off the road while examining your neighbour's crops

You have used a chainsaw to remodel your house 

You have buried a dog and cried like a baby

You have borrowed gravel from the country road to fill potholes in your 

driveway

You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even at night

You have used something other than paper as toilet paper 

You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house

Your family instantly becomes silent when the weather comes on the news 

You don't bother to clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer, and the dog knows to stay out of your way

Your husband drives a friend home from the bar when he only lives 3 houses away 

You have enough caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear one so you don't get the others dirty 

You convince your wife that an overnight, out of State trip for parts is a vacation

You've never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket 

You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house

You have used baling twine or barbed wire to attach a license plate 

You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate, and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday

You have used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof repairs 

You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment

You've used the same knife to make bull calves into steers and peel apples 

You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not

Your wife agrees to observe Mother's Day after the beans are planted 

Over 50% of your clothing came from feed or seed dealers

You give directions to your farm by using area landmarks, not road names or number 

You refer to farms by who owned them 50 or more years ago

You've been stopped by the cops for a cluttered dashboard 

Family weddings and special events are planned around spring planting and fall harvest

The rusted out areas of your truck are sealed off with old tee-shirts or duct tape

You can eat an ear of sweet corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds 

You can tell the difference between the smell of a piggery and the smell of a feed-lot

The meaning of true love is that you'll pose for a picture with both him and his favourite tractor 

The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him

You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit

You know cow pies aren't made of beef 

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out

You can tell it's a farmer working late in the field, know who it is, what they're doing, and not think it's a UFO 

Your nearest neighbour is in the next parish, and you know what a parish is 

When you were little, you got into a fight with another kid on school bus arguing over the colour of tractors 

Your other vehicle is a tractor

If you were given $1,000,000.00 you would keep right on farming. 

You'd farm differently, but you'd keep farming because that is who and what you are