Warning - Caution - Notice

Farm Kids

Warning-One kid's 4-H dairy project can and will accelerate the aging process of the parents by several years.

Caution-Farm kids' clothes pockets will be filled with straw, bugs, bolts, mud, live frogs, and cow teeth. 

Notice-Farm kids will learn lessons and work ethics on the farm that money can't buy and these will mold their character forever.

Farm Dogs

Warning-This dog rolls in all road kills and eats cow patties for dessert.

Notice-You've never experienced loyalty until you receive it from a farm dog.

Farmers

Warning-Approach with caution after wet weather in the spring has kept him out of the fields for a week. Especially if he has 300 acres of corn left to plant.

Warning-Failure to feed at regular intervals causes irritation.

Caution-This man cannot coordinate clothing unless John Deere green and farm product logos are involved.

Notice-When a farmer says economize this does not mean a moratorium on machinery purchases. What it does mean is stop making so many long distance calls to the kids and let's not buy the TV Guide at the grocery anymore.

Farm livestock

Caution-These animals will escape confinement on a regular basis. Be prepared for the chase.

Warning-City kids who visit will fall in love with your farm animals.

Farming

Caution-Farming will bring frustrations with weather, markets, livestock and constant interruptions.

Notice-Farming is addictive. Once you're hooked, you wouldn't trade it for anything.

You Might Be A Farmer If

Your dog rides in the truck more than your wife 

You have driven off the road while examining your neighbour's crops

You have used a chainsaw to remodel your house 

You have buried a dog and cried like a baby

You have borrowed gravel from the country road to fill potholes in your 

driveway

You always look when a vehicle passes your house, even at night

You have used something other than paper as toilet paper 

You have animals living in buildings more expensive than your house

Your family instantly becomes silent when the weather comes on the news 

You don't bother to clean up the dog's mess because it's just fertilizer, and the dog knows to stay out of your way

Your husband drives a friend home from the bar when he only lives 3 houses away 

You have enough caps to match every shirt you own, but you only wear one so you don't get the others dirty 

You convince your wife that an overnight, out of State trip for parts is a vacation

You've never thrown away a 5 gallon bucket 

You have ever had to wash off in the backyard with a garden hose before your wife would let you in the house

You have used baling twine or barbed wire to attach a license plate 

You can remember the fertilizer rate, seed population, herbicide rate, and yields on a farm you rented 10 years ago, but cannot recall your wife's birthday

You have used a tractor with a loader as scaffolding for painting or roof repairs 

You have fibbed to a mechanic about how often you greased a piece of equipment

You've used the same knife to make bull calves into steers and peel apples 

You wave at every vehicle whether you know them or not

Your wife agrees to observe Mother's Day after the beans are planted 

Over 50% of your clothing came from feed or seed dealers

You give directions to your farm by using area landmarks, not road names or number 

You refer to farms by who owned them 50 or more years ago

You've been stopped by the cops for a cluttered dashboard 

Family weddings and special events are planned around spring planting and fall harvest

The rusted out areas of your truck are sealed off with old tee-shirts or duct tape

You can eat an ear of sweet corn with no utensils in under 20 seconds 

You can tell the difference between the smell of a piggery and the smell of a feed-lot

The meaning of true love is that you'll pose for a picture with both him and his favourite tractor 

The meaning of true love is that you'll ride in the tractor with him

You know you should listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit

You know cow pies aren't made of beef 

Your excuse for getting out of school is that the cows got out

You can tell it's a farmer working late in the field, know who it is, what they're doing, and not think it's a UFO 

Your nearest neighbour is in the next parish, and you know what a parish is 

When you were little, you got into a fight with another kid on school bus arguing over the colour of tractors 

Your other vehicle is a tractor

If you were given $1,000,000.00 you would keep right on farming. 

You'd farm differently, but you'd keep farming because that is who and what you are

Metric?????

A farmer goes into a store to buy chicken wire.....

Farmer: I'd like 10 yards of chicken wire.

Clerk: Haven't you heard? We've gone metric. We sell things by the meter now, not the yard.

Farmer: (Thinks about it) OK, I'd like 10 meters of chicken wire.

Clerk: Right. Is that with the half-inch or quarter-inch holes?

Farmers Wisdom

A wise old farmer went to town to buy a new pickup truck that he saw

advertised in the paper for a certain price. After telling the

salesman which truck he wanted, they set down to do the paperwork.

The salesman handed the farmer the bill, and the farmer

declared "This isn't the price I saw!". The salesman went on to tell

the old wise farmer how he was getting extras such as power steering,

power brakes, power windows, special tires, etc. and that was what

took the price up. The farmer, needing the truck badly, paid the

price and went home.

A few months later, the salesman called up the farmer and said, "My

son is in 4- H and he needs a cow for a project. Do you have any for

sale?"

The farmer replied, "Yes, I have a few cows I would sell for $500

apiece, Come and look at them and take your pick". The salesman said

he and his son would be right out.

After spending a few hours in the field checking out all the farmer's

cows, the two decided on one and the salesman proceeded to write out

a check for $500.

The farmer said------"Now wait a minute, that's not the final price

of the cow, you're getting extras with it and you have to pay for

that too".

"What extras?" asked the salesman.

Below is the list the farmer gave the salesman for the final price of

the cow,,,,,,,,,,

BASIC COW............$500.00 Two-tone exterior.........$45.00 Extra

stomach............$75.00 Product storing equipment.........$60.00

Straw compartment.....$120.00

4 spigots @$10 ea.......$40.00 Leather upholstery......$125.00 Dual

horns...................$45.00 Automatic fly swatter .$38.00

Fertilizer attachment......$185.00


GRAND TOTAL $1,233.00