Tower/Cockpit Shenanigans
Who says pilots and controllers have no sense of humor? Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline and control towers from around the world:
During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going?. I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxi way; you turned right on "Delta". Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right."
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am".
Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.
Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
__________________
ANAGRAMS
An anagram is a word or phrase made by or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. All the below are exceptionally clever. Someone out there has much too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble.
Dormitory
Dirty Room
Desperation
A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code
Here come Dots
Slot Machines
Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity
Is No Amity
Mother-in-law
Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms
Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness
Genuine Class
Semolina
Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries
Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point
I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes
That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two
Twelve plus one
Contradiction
Accord not in it
Astronomer
Moon Starer
Year Two Thousand
A Year To Shut Down
_______________
Bumper Snickers..................
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If Progress Means To Move Forward, What Does Congress Mean?
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
Dyslexics Of The World - Untie!
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
And Finally...
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
______
While driving their car in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense
of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand
printed sign...
Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
During taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727.
The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771, where are you going?. I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxi way; you turned right on "Delta". Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's and D's but get it right."
Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "God, you've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771??"
The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am".
Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high.
Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"
__________________
ANAGRAMS
An anagram is a word or phrase made by or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. All the below are exceptionally clever. Someone out there has much too much time to waste or is deadly at Scrabble.
Dormitory
Dirty Room
Desperation
A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code
Here come Dots
Slot Machines
Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity
Is No Amity
Mother-in-law
Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms
Alas! No More Z's
Alec Guinness
Genuine Class
Semolina
Is No Meal
The Public Art Galleries
Large Picture Halls, I Bet
A Decimal Point
I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes
That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two
Twelve plus one
Contradiction
Accord not in it
Astronomer
Moon Starer
Year Two Thousand
A Year To Shut Down
_______________
Bumper Snickers..................
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If Progress Means To Move Forward, What Does Congress Mean?
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person
Dyslexics Of The World - Untie!
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
And Finally...
I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
______
While driving their car in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense
of humour, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand
printed sign...
Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust.
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